She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
