i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
