he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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