Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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