thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
