You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
