oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
