I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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