I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
