there's paper in my vomit.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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