My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
