So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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