don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
