Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
A bitchslap is in order.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
