Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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