i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had sex on a roof
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
