I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
