I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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