I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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