I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
