I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
