We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
