I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Randomize
