All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
