i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the raccoons are back...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
