i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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