i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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