So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
