Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
