Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
