he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
