Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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