i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
