There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
