i jhust puked up my retainher.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Randomize