the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
