What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
