I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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