Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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