The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
