walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
