Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
