i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
