There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
