going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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