You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
