you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
