Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
