is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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