I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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